HELP! My Boyfriend Is a Drug Addict.. =[[?
Question by *geeunittt ;]]: HELP! my boyfriend is a drug addict.. =[[?
okay so growing up my boyfriend started smoking weed in like 8th grade. in 10th grade he tried coke and overdosed, but he was okay, thank god. he decided to never do that again, but continued to smoke weed.
less than a year ago, my boyfriend [who wasnt my boyfriend at the time, i didnt know him then] got into more serious drugs along with his weed, like acid and shrooms. it got realllly bad until he finally went to rehab. he came out, went to his NA meetings for a little and was totally clean, so he stopped going to his meetings [he reallyyy shouldnt have]. because now, hes doing weed again..
when we first started dating, he made me think that he didnt smoke, so i had nooo idea what i was getting myself into, but eventually i found outt..
he claims that when we first started dating, he stopped smoking during the day because “i made him sooo happy that his depression and anxiety and stuff went away so he didnt need to smoke” butttt eventually, he started doing it again during the day. he also told me that he HADDD to do it at night because he could never get to sleep due to the anger and depression and feelings and shit that hed feel. i told him to take sleeping pills or something but he says that they dont workk.. and to be honest, at first, i thought this was okay, because i felt bad for him. i have depression and anxiety too so i know how helpless it can leave you feeling, however his weed smoking began to cause problems in our relationship..
so finally, after he made some realllllllyyy baddddd decisions when he was high that effected our relationship, i told him that he had to stop because i couldnt deal with it anymore. i realllly do love him, but i cant deal with the mess his bud smoking is causingg. i basically gave him an ultimatum, it was weed, or me.
he chose me, and has been clean for 3 days now. the first night, however since he couldnt get to sleep and get rid of his feelings without his weed, he got realllllllyyyy drunkk instead. he is SUCH AN ADDICT. ugh. other than that, hes been good, other than the complaining and stuff about how “he cant bear to go on another day without weed”.
pleaseeeee help meee, i dont know what to do or how to deal with this! he is such a great guy and has sooooo muchhh potential but he just deals with his emotions sooo horribly. ive heard that youre supposedly supposed to go to “90 meetings in 90 days” of NA to become tottttalllly sober but he refuses to go everyday and says that its impossible. im planning on getting him there at leastttt once a week but i feel like thats not enoughh :/ i also think he should be in therapy but i dont think he has enough money for that.. he is just soooo miserable and i feel bad because i feel like a bitch making him choose between me and weed but its the only way to make our relationship work!!! =[[ anything else i can do? any suggestions? he’s 19, im 17, and i feel like im a mother taking care of my child.. thats nottt how a relationship should be =/ well all help is greattttlyy appreciated – thank youuu.<3 ps; sorry this is so long - i just felt like i had to tell you the whole story to completely understand what we're dealing with heree. Best answer:
Answer by [420] Barbie™
It’s just weed, I don’t see the big deal. He can stop toking the sweet leaf anytime he wants to, but he’s GOT to WANT it. Trust me, I’ve done the 90 day programs – they don’t do anything, it has to come from within the person. “You can take a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.” If you want someone to stop smoking weed, they have to want to, too.
PS. He’s not a drug addict. He’s a stoner who thinks he needs his cannabis, that’s all. And maybe he does…if it helps him, why not just let him have it?
Person below me – Oh, don’t you try to tell me about myself. I don’t need anything, I can stay clean all I want to. Just because I find marijuana FUN doesn’t make me an addict. Her boyfriend has a problem – I didn’t deny that – but I would not call him a drug addict.
You again – I never went rehab, I did a 90 day outpatient program. You can think whatever you want about me, it’s not going to prevent me from living my life. You are just some person on the Internet, nothing more than a mere bunch of letters to me…realize that. Oh, and hey, I have a name, and it’s not “stoner.”
Answer by everythingspeachy2000
Honey…until he gets serious about his addiction and gets help..other than N/A etc…he isn’t going to change. Addictive personalities change one addiction for another until they get to the root of it and get serious. No matter how good they are as people…they end up being liars and cheaters and problems because the addiction comes first. THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT….and you cannot save him. He has to save himself.
You have some serious choices to make here. When in rehab they really don’t want relationships messing around with the recover process. IT hinders things and makes things more cloudy and makes for more choices and more problems. If you are together as a couple you should go to counseling with him because you are enabling him and you have to learn about this and what to do to help him..meaning tough love.
It is a family and a couple problem…not just his when someone else is involved. Familes and significant others SHOULD be involved in the process and not sitting on the sidelines.
Are you sure you are enough into this relationship to give up your life for this? This life is going to ALWAYS be about him…his addictions..his problems..his counseling…his meetings..his money etc. You will have to put yourself last all the time because his recovery is important to him…and it could be his life.
Even in recovery there is less than 40 percent chance he will remain clean…and you will have to start OVER AGAIN. How many times in your life can you start over? How many times can you face disappointment and not judge him for HIS choices and the ones YOU made to stay with him.
I try to tell people on here all the time weed can lead to serious drug addiction and they disagree. it is because they don’t understand and/or are in denial about drugs being DRUGS! It says it all D R U G S. One is not less serious than the other…..they all lead to more addiction and bigger problems. If not harder drugs then alcohol or stealing or gambling….or eating….always an addiction.
Think seriously about this…and talk to a therapist with him to determine if you can lead a life with this. MOST marriages today do not make it in the best of relationships…when you start out with a negative….it beats you down more and your chances are slimmer.
I am sorry….the outlook is not good. It is good of people to say…what kind of person am I if I walk out on him now….he needs me….I must not be committed if I walk now etc. This is not about LOVING HIM…it is about the truth and how life REALLY IS. Without the rose colored glasses and without the fantasizing of how great you are for staying with him! It will take a strong individual to do this…can you do it? REALISTICALLY..can you walk away and let him do his thing while you live your life and live with someone you can’t trust and have to contantly worry about? Think about it….
Truth is…YOU CANNOT DO ANYTHING TO HELP HIM…and a couple years down the road with bitterness and anger and sometimes abuse…you end up walking away anyways…mostly loss of time, money, effort and heart. It leaves you bitter and cynical …
‘
I don’t have an answer for you…this is something you have to decide that if you are in this and are willing to put your life last and face a disappointing life with lies and deceit….or if you move on and try to rebuild your life with trust and hope and faith.
HE has to take care of himself. He has already lied to you and you know that. It will continue.
By the way…..where ever you heard you have to go to 90 meetings in 90 days to be totally sober….is a lie. You are an addict all your life and until you admit you have a problem and it is one that is never cured you are failing before you start. ADDICTIONS do not go away…..
They are worked on everyday of your life.
And to the one who says they are a stoner and not an addict…anytime you use something to self medicate and not face life…anytime you feel you NEED something to get on with life and it is ok…you have a problem and you are in denial and should not be giving advice. Stoners are on weed…that is a DRUG…..and it does not help the addictive behavior. It is time to face problems and stop letting medication and alcohol tame your problems for you….if you NEED IT…and you do because you can’t do without it……you have a problem.
Just giving you the facts so you can make a decision based on what you need in life. Don’t be foolish and go with your heart…make a sound decision and stop living in denial about how it will heal and he will be sober etc. It takes every day of your life…….and then starting over again.
Do not ever feel bad making him make a decision and getting help. There is free help out there…this is YOUR LIFE TOO..not just his. (I told you it would always be about him didn’t I??? IT starts at this point…YOU feeling bad about this and him etc..when he is making YOUR life miserable too….when is it about YOU? ) This is YOUR LIFE…….and you feel bad because he has a problem….well this is your problem too and you are not an addict…but you have to live with the problems and heartache of it. FEEL BAD FOR YOU TOO…not just him. Addicts are not capable of living for someone else…they live for drugs and addictions….until they can help themselves..no matter how good they are….it is going to be a dishonest relationship.
To Stoner….denial..denial…denial…. …need I say more???
if you don’t have a problem…why rehab? You just continue to lie to yourself….ok?
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