Should I Tell His Parents if I Think He’s Using…again?!?

Question by : Should I tell his parents if I think he’s using…again?!?
Parents, addicts, anyone really I need your opinion on what to do in this situation!!

(sorry this is long, but it’s important to have some background info to understand this completely)

Over a year ago, I met my boyfriend Ryan who was in recovery for heroin addiction. Little did I know the battle I was coming into. Ryan is originally from Texas and moved to Minnesota to get help and learn how to live sober. His family still resides down in the lonestar state. Ryan is a very charming, young man who has many gifts as well as a big caring heart. However, drugs rob him of the person he is and instead he’s a monster. When he’s using he’s mean, disrespectful, and very manipulative. While he’s sober, he’s just so loving and kind, as well as sensitive. Oh how I miss this Ryan!

For the first month Ryan was sober, and then everything went downhill from there. During the month of September and October Ryan was using heroin everyday; I had a feeling but didn’t know how to approach the situation. Eventually after finding the proof the truth came about and I contacted his parents and told them what was going on. They were grateful, and Ryan sought help and started Methadone treatment. Ryan and I had some trust issues to work through, but overall we were very happy with each other. Ryan would just sit and tell me how much he loved me and admired me standing by him through all this. He promised to never break my heart again.. but drugs always seem to ruin those promises.

A few months later, Ryan started back to his old addict behavior. Instead of waiting for the proof I just called his parent’s again and told them what I knew. His behavior when he uses is so completely opposite of who he really is, that it’s like day vs. night. He ignores me, says hurtful things, stands me up, won’t talk to me unless he needs something. When really, he usually is always around me always telling me how much he loves me. It wasn’t so pleasant this time, because they didn’t believe me. I called back a week later once I got all the proof and they still enabled him financially, and gave him no consequences for his bad behavior. They were just pleased to be able to talk to their son and hear the false promises of “I’ll never use again”.

Ryan and I continued stay together, because I in some odd way felt responsible for him. With his family being so far away, how will they know if he needs help or if he is using again?! Who will be here for Ryan if I leave, he’ll be left with no one. I love Ryan and I can’t bare to see him all alone, I wanted to love him through all this becaues the person he really is when sober is absolutely the love of my life. I just don’t like this other person. Ryan and I were doing well, a few minor issues from the past would haunt me and that would cause some conflicts but overall we were going well. I started working through some of that past hurt and learning how to forgive and forget. However, right when all that started Ryan started taking a turn for the worst. He started distancing himself from me again, started hanging out with this guy who I wasn’t too fond of. That guy admitted to me that Ryan was drinking with him (and whenever Ryan drinks he wants opiates) and during that time Ryan stopped talking to me. I told him that I can’t do this again, and that I just need some space. Ryan was mad and tried manipulating me telling me how dare I leave him, I know he has NO one up here. All the while still denying ever drinking or using. The next week Ryan said he needed to find himself and that we shouldn’t be together while he was doing that. Something in my gut didn’t feel right. I knew I was talking to the Heroin Addict, not Ryan. Ryan doesn’t have a job, no school, he doesn’t have to do anything all day long except go to the Methadone clinic by 1 pm everyday. He doesn’t have any good friends in his life, so all these small factors would make sense as to why he would use: boredom.

A month later after we broke up, he went on a trip with his family. I was praying the whole time that Ryan’s secrets would be exposed. But unfortunately they weren’t. He came back to Minnesota and his behavior was still the same addict behavior. I asked him if I could come get my stuff, and he’d text me but would completely avoid the situation. He promised me he wasn’t using and that he missed me. But he refused that I come get my stuff. So a week later, I just stopped by threatening to bring a cop with me and he freaked. He refused to let me into his apartment and allow me to grab my belongings. Instead, I was told to wait downstairs. I told him I wanted 3 things mainly: my vaccuum, my kennel, and the towels. There is a specific reason to ask for such random things. The vaccuum was a very expensive vaccuum, and well know that add
that addicts love pawn shops. I needed some proof to see if Ryan was using since I don’t really know. For some reason he couldn’t give me the vaccuum, he needed to fix it. The kennel where our cat slept in was important because the week of his family’s vacation Ryan had the cat boarded, and I wanted to make sure he had the cat still rather than leaving her at the boarding place and using the cash for drugs. But the cat was at a ‘playdate’ with the guy downstairs who has 2 kittens. The cat has been there for 3 days/nights. Hmm.. interesting story wo
Ryan couldn’t talk to me, he got into that really aggressive addict mode where his impatient levels were high, and he started getting very very aggressive. He was telling me how he’s been hanging out with ‘so and so’… but I do talk to that ‘so and so’.. and they haven’t seen Ryan in over a month. I feel as though I should talk to his parents. My gut is telling me Ryan is using, I just don’t have the proof to know for sure, but all the red flags are up. But I don’t want to stir the pot if I’m wrong (Even though I don’t think I am). But even if I do tell them, I feel as though nothing will change. They’ll still send him money, etc. What more can be done, they live 1300 miles away. I don’t know what to do. Please please, anything will help. Ryan won’t talk to me, only here and there. He definitely won’t see me, nor talk to me on the phone. He usually doesn’t when he’s using drugs. Actually that’s the only time he won’t is when he’s using. Please help.

Best answer:

Answer by Lito
Yes of course!! This is a life in death situation!! If u dont tell them you will lose your love. If u do sure he’ll be mad but soon he’ll realize that he would be gone if it wasnt for u!!! And u will be his love and hero…

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!

Young Women and Drug Abuse – FOX 9-TV interviews Hazelden’s Medical Director, Dr. Joe Lee, regarding young women and drug abuse. Young women have higher rates of mental health issues than boys and need special care. Girls have just as high rate of addiction as boys, and are more prone to depression and eating disorders. Dr. Lee explains the expansion of Hazelden’s Youth and Families in Plymouth, Minnesota. For more information about Hazelden, please visit www.hazelden.org or call 800-257-7810. For more about Hazelden’s youth treatment please visit www.hazelden.org

Jeff Dubay talks about addiction, recovery on WCCO

Filed under: Minnesota Drug Addiction

He said he turned to cocaine to help him escape 'I walked through a door I should never, ever, ever have walked through,' he said." Dubay had worked with KFAN's Paul Allen for about 10 years before his addiction led to his firing. After failing drug …
Read more on Minneapolis Star Tribune (blog)

States encouraging drug users to report overdoses

Filed under: Minnesota Drug Addiction

The measures have encountered resistance from some police officials and law-and-order legislators, who say the proposals are tantamount to get-out-of-jail-free cards, condone drug use, and could prevent police from investigating illicit drug dealing or …
Read more on Charlotte Observer